i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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