yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
