last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
People with herpes should wear stickers.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
