Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i've created a new STD.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
