how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
