so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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