I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just cropdusted the office
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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