That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I have tasted many bathrooms
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
