how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
