ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
