i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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