Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
