now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
