they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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