We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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