did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
