i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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