i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
