I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
