I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
