Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
