I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
