Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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