Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
