I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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