I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
