in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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