Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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