went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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