...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
