her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
