I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
