if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
