just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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