dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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