You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
