he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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