I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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