well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
