I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
