i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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