didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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