Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
