omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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