So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
