i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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