Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
