Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
