Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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