How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
