You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
