Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
