It's Friday. Sex?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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