And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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