Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
