The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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