you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
